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…Jennifer’s Journey: 9 months post surgery…

In one month and a week, I am getting married! This weight loss journey was largely motivated by the fact that I was about to begin my life, with someone I love, and I wanted to make sure that I began that life as healthy and as happy as I possibly could. Since I first started this journey I have lost just under 100 pounds. Every time I say that it blows my mind! I feel (and look) like a totally different person. Now I will not lie, there are times where I have sat in bed, sick to my stomach because I ate something that I should not have or ate too fast, and have cursed the surgery. But in the grand scheme of life, I know that I made the right choice. Some things that I have learned since I am now about 9 months out of surgery.

1. This is a lifelong process: I have good days and bad days. Some days I do great and eat slow and get tons of protein and water and everything is great. Some days I slip up and have a soft drink or some candy. I get frustrated and eat too quickly and feel sick to my stomach and hate food. This is a journey. Not something that happens overnight.

2. I am more self conscious about how I look: Now this can be both a good and a bad thing. It is good because I am learning to love my new body. I love that I have tons more clothing to choose from and I love that I don’t get tired going up a flight (or three) of stairs and that I can run around the basketball or tennis court and not feel like passing out after five minutes. It is a bad thing because people are always hyper focused on my body and being someone who has struggled with my body image, it is hard to have people comment (even positively) about my body and how it has changed.

3. There are hidden expenses: I knew that losing weight would be fun and I knew that I would have to buy new clothes, but I did not realize the frequency that would happen. I am in the middle of cleaning out my closet and I have realized that almost everything I own hangs ill fittingly from my body. I have to also purchase new bras (which ladies know get super expensive i.e. $50+ each) every month. This in addition to planning for a wedding has really hit my pocket book. I also have to get a lot more blood work done and most of the labs are covered by insurance, but there is still a portion that I end up paying out of pocket every time I go to the doctor.

4. There is a lot of blood work: To go back to what I just mentioned, I have gotten so used to people taking my blood I can point them to the best arm and location to draw from. This is not something that I particularly enjoy, but I know that just about every time I go to a medical office, I will be asked to give some blood samples so they can measure my levels.

5. Everyday is something new: The good and the bad, the ups and the downs, everyday I find something new to enjoy about this process. I find myself absentmindedly tapping on my collarbone because I can now see it prominently showing. I find myself belting all of my outfits to show off how small my waist has become during this time. I enjoy spending less when I go out to eat and having tons of food left over.

No matter what, this process has been one that has been both challenging and rewarding. It is a life decision that you have to make and stick with it. As I said I do fall off the wagon at times, but I think I am more motivated than ever to stay on track because I see the success that I can have if I continue to work hard after surgery. My goal now is to enter into the coveted “Onderland” or what we call those who are in the 100s weight range. My hope is to get into my goal weight area and then find ways to maintain this weight goal in a way that is reasonable and manageable for my schedule. I also look forward to being able to wear the wedding dress of my dreams because I can actually fit into the mainstream dresses and was not limited to the “Plus Size” section this time. Life is good!

…Jennifer’s Journey: 70 Days and Counting…

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It has been a while since I last posted. The school year has geared back up, I am trying to be a better teacher. The second year of teaching is definitely much more enjoyable and less stressful than the first year of teaching. Wedding planning has also been in full swing as we are working on putting together the invitations and finding a DJ!

It is exactly 70 days since my surgery and I am about 75 pounds away from my goal weight! I would have never thought it possible to not only lose weight, but also keep the weight off. Last post I wrote about the process of actually having the surgery done. That was the easy part. Well not easy, the recovery sucked, but I did not have to do much work during this part of the process. I got to get put to sleep as a surgeon tore open my body and removed a piece of it. I then was able to sleep while my body fought to repair itself. What I did not realize was how much mental and emotion strain would come after all was said and done. I would still hands down do the surgery again in a heartbeat, but the process to recovery was rocky and difficult and eye opening.
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In the hospital before they would let me leave, I had to walk at least 3 times a day. This was a painful process as my incisions were still trying to heal and I was tender to the touch. The infamous Nurse Jackie would tell me that I needed to walk and walk and walk while all I wanted to do was sleep and sleep and sleep. To Nurse Jackie’s defense, the surgeon said that walking around is one of the quickest ways to encourage healing during this time period. Walking (and movement in general) forces more blood to flood to the site of surgery allowing for it to get more nutrients at a quicker rate.

I had to stay in the hospital and extra night because of the low amount of fluids that I was able to tolerate. Fluids during this period of time are extremely important to keeping your body hydrated and getting in the required nutrients. For two weeks after surgery you are on a liquid only diet. During this time my life consisted of broth, jello, popsicles, and protein shakes. I never thought that I was an emotional eater. I was not someone to sit around and eat my feelings away. But, during this two-week period I realized that food is so central to human interactions and relationships. Friends would invite me out to eat and I would have to decline because first I could not eat anything and second I was completely miserable. I hated having such a limited amount of food to choose from. There are only so many combinations of soup-jello- protein shake that you can make. During this time my fiancé was away in Guatemala on a trip that had been planned months before. I realized that for the first time that I could ever remember, I became depressed over eating. I did not want to eat and lucky for me, I did not have much of an appetite and had to force myself to eat 3-4 times a day (small meals of course) to get in my required protein. I was easily irritable and had to force myself to get up and out of bed every single day. I have struggled with depression throughout my life and I this period of time really pushed me mentally all over the place. I realized that I was not receiving my required amount of anti depression because the medicine was going through my system too quickly. This mixed with the inability to eat made me unbearable. I am so lucky that not only did my fiancé stick by me, she tried and tried and tried to do everything in her power to make me feel like I was important and that I was not going through this alone. It was one of the roughest periods of my life.

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One major positive that I saw right after the surgery was the fact that I was about to cut out 2/3 rd of the medicine that I was taking. I had a blood pressure medicine to help control my migraine headaches. I was completely off of that medicine within 2 weeks post surgery. I have also seen a significant decrease in the number of migraine headaches that I’ve had. Prior to surgery, I was diagnosed with sleep apnea and it has all but disappeared since. I have more energy and my skin is clearer (although I did have a few weeks of breakouts as my hormones readjusted to the weight loss).

Recently I had my one month check in with the surgeon and my primary care provider and everything checked out okay. They said that my progress is actually on the higher side and that I will probably be at my goal weight within 10-12 months even though my weight loss has definitely started to slow down (I was originally losing anywhere from 15-20 lbs a week to now losing about 5 lbs a week). I did make one unexpected pit stop to the ER (I had gastritis and an infection), but after fluids and antibiotics I was able to bounce right back. My surgeon and nutritionist have been super available and have worked with me every step of the way.

At first I did not see a difference, but now I can definitely tell, especially when trying on different outfits that have been hanging in my closet. My face is more defined and my jackets hang off of me quite a bit more. I get compliments quite a bit. It is a little weird to hear people say that I am thin (even though I wouldn’t go as far as to say that). I am still uncomfortable when people point out my weight (or lack of it) as I have been self conscious about it my entire life. This is slowly changing and I am definitely happier with how I feel overall.

…Jennifer’s Journey: The Process…

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The process to actually be able to get surgery is incredibly long. I have been working with the weight loss center for almost an entire year before I was able to meet the surgeon and start to fill out the paperwork for the surgery. At the beginning I had meeting with the nurse practitioner as well as the nutritionist to go over the major changes that would be happening to me. I had to discuss why I wanted to get the surgery and what methods I have used in the past to help with weight loss.

My nutritionist guided me through creating a food repertoire that contained high protein low fat options. I was introduced to protein shakes, kale, and a host of other foods. While meeting with the nutritionist we really went over the fact that this is a lifestyle change. Not just a one time, diet or fad that you may try. I had to make sure that I would be committed to this for the REST OF MY LIFE. Not only did I have to change the way that I eat, but also the frequency as well as adding supplementary vitamins to my diet.

I went from doctor to doctor to get my vitals and insides checked out. They wanted to make sure that my liver was okay and that I would not have an issue with the anesthesia. I had a sleep study done to make sure that my sleep issues would not be a further complication to the surgery. My psych evaluation was done in order to make sure I was doing the surgery for the right reasons. They wanted to make sure that I knew the gravity of the surgery and that once again it was a lifelong change. The surgery was not something that I took lightly and it was not something that I just rushed into. I know that it would have a great impact on the rest of my life.

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The Surgery

My surgery was originally scheduled for the beginning of August, but they had an opening in their schedule and I was able to get in at the end of June. The day of the surgery I was nervous but excited. I had read everything that I could get my hands on about the surgery and hoped that I had prepared adequately. Some patients talk about a pre operation diet that they have to follow before they go into surgery. Because my surgery was with such short notice (literally 3 days) I did not go through the same “detox” process that a lot of other sleeve patients do.

I would not be able to drive after the surgery so my fiancé and I took an uber to the hospital. I was scheduled to be at the hospital at 8am. For those who know me personally, you know that I am never on time to anything. The uber driver decided to take his sweet, sweet time and the morning traffic did not help us at all. I did not make it to the hospital at my 8am check in, but lucky for me, doctors are always running behind so it did not matter much.

I was in the waiting room with my fiancé for a solid hour before I was called back in the pre operation holding area. Here, I had to change into the lovely hospital gown with compression socks and hairnet. I was supposed to take out every (all 13!) earring that I had as well as any jewelry or other valuable items. Luckily my fiancé, Jessica, was able to sit in the pre operation area with me up until the time of surgery. I had to get a lot of shots and an IV put in (it was the first time that the medical student who put my IV in had done an IV on a real person—Jess was not impressed) so they could more easily administer pain medicine and other fluids. I was introduced to the nurse who would be in surgery with me as well as the anesthesiologist. My main surgeon stopped by as well to say hi before I was wheeled out.

There was quite a back up in the operating room so my surgery was pushed back about an hour and a half. When it was finally time to go back into the OR it was like a scene in a movie. Jess walked with the nurses as they wheeled my bed to the operating room. She held my hand until we reached the doors that said “Authorized Personnel Only.” She gave my hand a squeeze and a kiss before saying goodbye. I was wheeled into the restricted area while Jess stood behind waving at me. (I know, it was literally just like a movie. I wonder if it was someone’s job one day to just sit and watch people go into the OR to get a sense of how loved ones reacted to the situation). Jess then went back to the waiting room to wait for my surgery to conclude. She is definitely a trooper and having a strong and dedicated support structure is CRUCIAL to being successful post surgery.

Once I was in the operation room I once again spoke with the friendly nurse that I had met in the pre operations area that talked me through what was going to happen. It was also her job to make sure that I was fully prepped for the surgery. They gave me some medicine for anxiety and that is the last thing that I remember. Next thing you know, I am opening my eyes and I am lying in the bed in waiting to be moved to a room. I was in the post operation area for hours (literally like three hours) before I was finally assigned to a room. I was wheeled over and got to see Jessica for the first time since surgery. I was still pretty groggy and I could begin to feel the pain in my lower abdomen. At that time all I wanted to do was sleep.

Behind the Scenes

During the gastric sleeve, 80% of your stomach is removed in order to restrict the amount of food and drink that your body can accommodate. The stomach goes from being the size of a fist (which can expand up to 40 times in size) to a small banana. When your stomach is removed, the hormone ghrelin is removed as well. Ghrelin is known as the “hunger hormone.” It is what tells your body that you are hungry and that it is time to eat. With the removal of this hormone you diminish the cravings for food and your body does not get hungry like it used to.

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The surgeon makes six incisions across your abdomen in order to access the stomach. After your stomach is cut to size, it is stapled back together. The doctors double and triple check to make sure that there are no leaks in the stomach, as that would cause many further complications down the line. The stomach is pumped full of CO2 to make sure that it is airtight and it is filled with liquid to make sure there is no drainage. Once that is complete, the surgeons sew you back together and off to recovery you go.

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The typical stay in the hospital is one night after surgery to make sure that there are no leaks and that you are able to tolerate liquids. With your stomach (or pouch as many people so affectionately call it) being so small, it is easy to not intake the required ounces of water that is necessary for full recovery. The stomach is so small that you can only have about 1-2 ounces of food or drink at a time. It is highly discouraged to eat and drink at the same time because the liquids push the food through the pouch too quickly. Your body does not have enough time to absorb the nutrients from the food.

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Every surgery comes with risks, but the sleeve is liked by surgeons and patients because of the relatively low risks and the quick recovery period. I was surprised at how quickly the pain in general went away after the surgery and how independent I was able to be in the hospital as I was trying to recover enough to go home.

Check in next week to hear about my time in the hospital, the infamous Nurse Jackie, and things that I was totally unprepared for after the surgery.

Jennifer’s Journey: My History

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My first blog post provided a bit of information about myself as well as the reason why I wanted to blog for the site. This next post is a bit longer, but as a history nerd (I do teach 8th grade Social Studies) I think that it is important to know someone’s history in order to understand how they became the person they are today.

About a year ago I was fortunate enough to get engaged to the love of my life. Around that time I was making some pretty big changes in my life. I just graduated from a Master’s Degree program and was about to start my first year of teaching. One day I took a look at myself and realized that this change that I was doing needed to be reflected in every aspect of my life.

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I have always been fat for as long as I could remember. I am very blunt and brutally honest about it because why sugarcoat it? In elementary school, I was the big girl who wore boys clothes all of the time. Even with my rapidly developing body, I was always the biggest person in my class. I didn’t have soft curves, but round lumps and rolls that continued to grow, no matter what I did. My mom made sure that I was very active in a variety of things. I had academic camps, played tennis, basketball, and golf, and acted in the local children’s theater. Towards the end of elementary school and into middle school I began to largely focus on Tennis. I loved being on the court. It was such a whirlwind feeling for me that I felt at home. I played at least 5 days a week with additional practice, private lessons, and tournaments regularly. Even then I was on the heavier side. I would walk onto the court and have people make fun of me, “Look at that fat girl. Who does she think she is? This is going to be a really easy match.” Little did they know that I was blessed with an ace serve by Jesus himself and they would end up losing miserably, to the fat girl. I never really got over that and it was something that I always had replaying in the back of my mind my entire life.

Fast forward to high school. I was still putting on weight and trying to navigate the horror that is high school. By this time I had become more of an academic. I still did play tennis from time to time, but my main sport was marching band. I was also very active in numerous clubs and organizations around campus. As an academic I was nominated constantly for some type of award or honor at the school and throughout the city. I was always embarrassed to be nominated for such awards because of the dreaded ceremonies that came along with it. At these ceremonies, one was expected to dress in “professional wear” in order to receive their award. As a bigger girl, this always posed a problem. There was very little in the way of options in the “juniors plus size” section at stores. Also, due to my rapid development that had come with a few curves by, this time, my chest size was waaaaaay beyond that of a junior. I would then have to go to the small upstairs section and look at the “old woman’s clothes” in order to find something to wear. The clothes always came with built-in shoulder pads and were in horrible prints. I always tried to stick to a neutral solid color, but there were never any guarantees. I hated these awards ceremonies because as my classmates went to get their awards in their age appropriate dresses and skirts, here I was in my ill-fitting grandmother style dress. Time and time again, ceremony after ceremony, I was nominated and I had to bite the bullet and “just find something” that would work.

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Dating never really interested me and I was not concerned with my weight in that manner. I did have the fleeting moments when dancing in the basement of Tri-Kap or the AAm (both dorms on my alma mater’s campus) that maybe I would have more people dance with me if I was skinnier, or prettier, or a host of other things. Looking back I realized that those parties were jokes and I had ample fun dancing with my friends and was lucky to not be harassed or receive any unwanted attention. My diet at college was that of a typical college aged student—junk, fried food, and midnight pizza. My weight fluctuated up and down. I went to the gym and I started eating salads. I had a paper due. I binge ate pizza and ice cream and started the process all over again. My weight was something that I had lived with so long that it was just as much a part of me as my name or where I came from.

There were a few instances in college that made me cringe, but as I said, I was fairly comfortable with who I was. Anytime I wrote an Op-Ed piece or was interviewed for something in the newspaper the Internet trolls would inevitably point out my weight and say that it was the cornerstone for all of my problems. Maybe if I just weren’t so fat then my peers would speak to me outside of the classroom. Maybe if I weren’t so fat, I would be presented with better-paying job opportunities on campus or I would get better grades. Most of the stuff sounded completely and utterly ridiculous and I looked at it just as that. Yes, many times I wished there was a magic pill I could take to help me lose weight. Yes, I thought about starving myself or purging after eating a meal. It never manifested, but they were definitively things on my mind.

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Fast forward to more recent times and my life today. Kids are some of the most brutally rude (there is definitely a difference between being honest and being rude, they haven’t mastered it yet) people I ever met. Whenever a student wanted to insult me in the classroom, they would inevitably point out something with my weight. As if that was the worst insult that I had ever heard and as if I was going to go running from the classroom, tears streaming down my face, because of their comments. Because I had 25 years of being me, in my body, I always had a snarky comeback (you either laugh about it or come after the person—figuratively speaking—that has always been my ultimate defense mechanism) to say to them. But, I also knew that it was something that I needed to bring up to my students because I had both female and male students who I could tell struggled with their weight and were made fun of because of those things. I tried to have many candid conversations with my students about this issue. How much they absorbed, who knows, they are 8th graders. I hope that they will one day realize that there is so much more to a person than a number that may pop up one day on a scale.

When I began to see my last primary care provider (moving to Boston, I cycled through plenty) she recommended that I begin to work with the Center for Weight Control at St. Elizabeth’s hospital. At first, when she brought up bariatrics, I heard geriatrics (an old people’s doctor) and was utterly appalled. After we fixed the word miscommunication, I felt a heavy burden on my shoulders. I had struggled with my weight my entire life. I had tried personal trainers and diets and counting calories and not eating. I honestly wanted to be healthy for not only me but also my fiancé and my future children. My mother died when she was young and I did not want my children to worry about me struggling through that same kind of trauma. I decided to go check it out, what would it hurt? If I didn’t like it, I didn’t have to go back.

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Almost one year later and I got the gastric sleeve surgery done. The choice for surgery was not one that I made lightly. Along with lots of soul searching and personal meditation, I also had to meet with teams of doctors and nurses and all kinds of other people in order to even begin the process for surgery. I had to meet with nutritionists to make sure that my eating habits were where they needed to be. I definitely had to make some major changes to my diet, but having someone who has studied this and creating an individualized plan for me was so very beneficial to me. I had to meet with my shrink to make sure that I was doing this for the right reasons. Some people do the surgery in order to fit others ideas of who they should be. I have no set weight in mind. I don’t care if I’m a size 20 or a size 2. I want to be healthy and happy in my body so that I can pass along all of my amazingness to the next generation. I had to meet with the anesthesiologist, a sleep specialist, and a neurologist, while having an EKG and barium swallow along with an unscheduled mammogram done. It has been a long road, but one that is well worth it.

Now what? I am out of surgery, I spent two days in the hospital (one day extra due to nausea and lack of fluids), but now I am back home. It has been slow going. I am working on getting enough protein and water while being stuck on a liquid only diet. I can only have a few ounces of food at a time and I have to make my meals last anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour depending on the size. I have to walk in order to get my body to heal the stitches and rest so that it can do the work properly. I will have to take antacids and multivitamins for the rest of my life. Every. Single. Day. In hindsight, multivitamins are better than shots and amputations any day of the week.

At the end of the day, I am happy to say that I am using surgery as a tool, not a get out of jail free card. For people who think I took the easy way out by having surgery how about you go through it first and recover and then tell me if it was worth it. But honestly, I could care less if you agree with it or not. Some people have fast metabolisms; some people are into steroids; I chose to do a healthy alternative to help make me the person both inside and outside who I want to be. So if you want to follow me through my journey great! If you don’t great! Either way, I am working to be a healthier and happier me. I am looking forward to the changes and preparing for the good and the bad. I know that it will not be smooth sailing all of the time, but I am dedicated to making this workout. Whatever I want to do, I make it happen, so watch out!

Wait, you did what?!?

My name is Jennifer and I have had the opportunity to know Stephanie for my entire life (literally for all 25 years, she is my big sister you know). I have always struggled with my weight and never seemed to be able to get it under control no matter how much dieting or exercise I did.

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About a year ago I decided to start working with the Center for Weight Control at St. Elizabeth’s Hospital in Boston, MA. This was one of the best and scariest decisions of my life. At the Center, they specialize in various bariatric surgeries for people struggling with weight loss. After many hours of soul searching and research, I decided to go through with the surgery. I had the gastric sleeve operation on July 25, 2016. This surgery consists of removing a large part of the stomach (about 80% of it) and creating a food pouch that is the size of a small banana.

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I am still at the very early stages of recovery, but I wanted to document this monumental event in my life. I have asked Stephanie if I could chronicle my weight loss journey on her blog as she has a wide readership and provides excellent sources of recipes and workouts that are fit for anyone.

I know that there are many people out there who struggle with the “traditional” forms of weight loss. I want you to know that you are not alone and that there are options for you. Yes, I did get weight loss surgery. No, I did not take the easy way out. It has been a complete lifestyle change. It took me a lot of time to decide that this was the right path for me. Weight loss surgery is not an automatic fix to every weight issue that I have. Instead, it is another tool that can be used to help you reach your ideal weight. I hope you will follow my journey as I try to navigate through the world with a different outlook on food and nutrition. I am also working with trainer Stephanie in order to incorporate workouts into my routine that will aid with the speed and consistency of my weight loss. If you have any questions for me specifically or about the surgery in general feel free to post in the comments below and I will answer them to the best of my ability.

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Check back to her some background about my struggles with weight and the process that you go through in order to prepare for the surgery.

~Jennifer~

Follow Jennifer’s story HERE on Infinite Life Fitness. You can also follow her on Instagram @jen_n_juice13